Tucker plaques

The latest set of name plaques that I've made. I love these, I think these may be my favorite thus far!

One of the scariest days of my life

As I finished my English Composition paper this evening, I realized I have never shared this story with you all. So, here it is. One of the scariest days of my life.

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September 19, 2001. A date I will never forget. The morning started off just like any other. I had just finished putting away the remainder of the laundry, while my daughter, Camden slept soundly in my bed. I watched her quietly, careful not to wake her as she lay there so peacefully and so perfect.  In the four months she had been in this world, she had made herself the center of my universe. I had continued on with the chores that needed done. Suddenly, her tiny coughs that caught my attention. I went to see that all was well. While I comforted her, I thought she would drift back to sleep. But I was mistaken! Suddenly, she was vomiting. And the only thing coming out of her was blood. Her little t-shirt, that originally was white, had been stained bright red. After consoling her, I cleaned her up and called her pediatrician.

The doctors could not come to a conclusion as to what might have been going on with my sweet Camden and she was admitted to the local hospital. As if I wasn’t scared enough with my sick baby, all of this was happening just over a week after the 9-11 attacks on the United States. The country was on high alert. The hospital had their entire security staff patrolling the hospital grounds. I remember rocking my child and watching the security guards walking the halls. Their shiny black, patent shoes made a very distinctive thud each time they walked by the room. But their presence was not enough to settle me enough to sleep. The staff was so friendly and so comforting, but we had yet to receive a diagnosis. Even after the many tests that they had run and a call was made to Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis. We were scheduled for an appointment the following morning.

It was about a three hour drive to get to Indianapolis. I will never forget how scared I was walking into that hospital, cradling my daughter and hoping this day would give me some answers. I took a deep breath and walked through the loud, electric doors. I am not sure what I expected, but almost immediately, I felt a sense of relief. As we made our way to the nurses station, I saw photos of smiling, happy children. The walls were adorned with bright, vibrant artwork from patients of the hospital. The ceiling was beaming with dramatic and colorful hangings. Along the walls were plastic red wagons, some with red and white striped canopies. There were shelves filled with books and toys. It was evident that the staff had put a lot of care into making certain that patents and their loved ones were as comfortable as possible.

I met with the doctor and she explained the procedure and what precautions were being taken. I kissed my baby girl and handed her off to the nurse to be prepped for a gastroscopy, an exam of the upper digestive tract using an endoscope-a long, thin, flexible camera used to view the lining of the digestive organs. That was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had never been more scared in my life. I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like days as the time passed by so slowly. I felt so alone. So vulnerable. I tried to be strong. I tried to be confident. While praying for a favorable result, I cried. The ticking of the clock was so loud, reminding me of every second that had passed. Tick, tick, tick. With each footstep I heard, I jumped, hoping for the doctor. I was never so relieved when she finally arrived! She discussed with me that everything went as planned. And everything looked great and the cause of the blood was probably dried sinuses that couldn’t drain properly. I was told I had to wait a few more minutes while the anesthesia wore off. And then the nurse brought Camden to me! Even in her groggy, confused state, she was happy to see me, smiling and cooing. As I was holding her tight, an older woman came to us with a small stuffed toy. It was pale yellow puppy with a patterned green backside. The face had been drawn in with a fabric marker. She explained to me that a group of senior citizens volunteer their time to make these for the children of the hospital. Emotions were high and I found myself crying again. Knowing that these ladies take time out of their own lives making these toys to soothe a child they may never meet was so comforting to me. To this day Camden still has “Pup”.

Rambling thoughts

I was having a conversation with a great friend today and mentioned how much I've let my photography go. And she urged me to get back into it. I'm going to try. It's ironic that in trying to do more to find myself, I've managed to let other parts of me go. I no longer head out to find new places to just be, one of the things I used to love doing. I enjoy back roading, driving til I have no clue where I am. Still love doing, just don't make time for it so much anymore. I wish I had the energy of all those mom's that most definitely have to be sporting a cape of some fashion.
Things certainly have been busy around this place though. The  husband has been working crazy long hours, me taking classes, preparing the youngest for school to start, planning our vacation to Florida...just a few things that have kept us busy.
I'm doing well in school. And I've made it my goal to get A's. So far, I've managed it. We will see how far I can carry it. I've definitely set higher standards for myself than I do for my kids though. I guess I feel like I have something to prove. More to myself than to anyone else though. That being said, I'm going to have to cut this post short. Dinner and then finishing this week of school by midnight. More to come soon!

Super Cute kids, super fun day

I had a fun day taking pics for my cousin and her kiddo's, even though the sun was beating down on me, testing my patience (and my fair skin). Rambunctious but stinkin' cute and super fun kid's, I'll tell ya that! Beautiful family all around. Oh, and I can't wait to get my hands on that tiny little Baby A! She was a sweetie! Here are a few shots from the day.

This is my favorite shot of the day

M2M wreath for a little gals nursery

I was recently contacted regarding whether or not I would be interested in donating to an online auction. Of which, I agreed to donate a rag garland or tutu skirt. The buyer, however, switched it up on me and requested a rag wreath. Which I have been wanting to make. :) She sent me a photo of her little girlies room and I matched, as accurately as I could, the fabric I used in making the wreath. Here is the finished product. Sure hope she likes it as much as I do!

I haven't done a PTT for awhile. And as per my usual self, I'm a day late in adding it. But for what it's worth, I've been a day behind in everything this week. Literally. I thought it was Tuesday all day Wednesday. And if that wasn't enough, you'd think I would have adjusted accordingly after being corrected all day Wednesday, I actually carried it over into Thursday thinking it was Wednesday. Sigh. Yep, been a long week for me! I can say that I have accomplished a lot this week, however!

I love the beauty you find in Southern Indiana. It simply is breathtaking. I love this picture!

Change is coming

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

My husband recently asked me why I have suddenly made the decision to make so many changes in my life. And to be completely honest, it pissed me off. Maybe I overreacted. In all actuality, it's probable that I overreacted. To me, it isn't important why I chose to start making changes. Only that I AM making changes. I want to go to school. You can read about that here. I want to work. I want to be a role model for my children who have seen nothing from me other than my being a stay at home mom. I want to make an impact, a difference. I need to feel like I'm contributing. And let's all face it. We aren't getting any younger. How would I be able to move forward if, God forbid, something happened to my husband? Or what would I do if something happened between my husband and I and for whatever reason, we parted ways? I'm a realist. I know that in any situation, anything can happen. You never know what tomorrow will bring. It would be extremely difficult for me to move on with no education after high school, with no work experience after 2006. Sure I worked a temp job here and there. And that is what pushed me to go to school. And look at my options for jobs.

But that isn't the only change I've made. I haven't always had the best relationship with my siblings. My cousins. My family. I want to change that. I will change that! I will continue to do everything I can to be there for my family. Whether we have had a good relationship or not. Whether that means that my effort is appreciated or not. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I get my heart hurt. A lot. I cry. A lot. That's just a part of who I am.
Aside from being there more for family and friends, I am going to be there for me more also. It's been so long since I've done things to benefit myself. Since I've done things that make me happy. No, that does not mean, I'm going to do things that will intervene with the safety and/or happiness of my family. I'm going to live in the moment with each step into my future. If it is something that will make me happy but someone else may not like it or may disagree with me, so be it. People are going to talk. Let them! Life is simply just too darn short to spare my (or my family's) happiness at the expense of someone else's opinion.

I intend to live a life that I can be proud of. After all, it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I'm going to make the best of it. And I'm going to feel things I've never felt before.