First of all I just have to say HOLY CANNOLI it's hot in here! A whopping 84° in the main level of the house! Hey, I told ya it was hot! Ya see, we have no central air. Or well, the house doesn't. We have a window ac unit that is borrowed but is running non stop. It is upstairs so the bedrooms are cool. Which is good because it stays nice and comfortable while we sleep. So, with this heat wave or maybe just the onset of summer approaching, I am sweating my arse off!
I haven't blogged in quite some time. And if memory serves me correctly, I mentioned that here a bit ago stating that I had a lot weighing on my mind. I never really thought much about self breast exams. Until a dear lady I used to work with passed away from breast cancer. And even then, I wasn't as routine with it as I should have been. And then a good friend of mine, not even 30 yrs old, was diagnosed with breast cancer. You better believe that scared the crap out of me. So began the routine (probably too routine) exams. A few weeks ago, while lying in bed I was feeling around. I found a lump. In my right breast. Immediately my body flushed with heat as I felt what I dreaded. I cried. And I wanted to vomit. I'm a night owl so it was late and I was the only one still awake. I wanted to wake my husband and cry all night while he held me in his arms. But I didn't. I didn't want to wake him. But he woke anyway. And as I tried to find the words to tell him, I realized just how scared I was. Because I had a very hard time trying to do just that. Find the words. My mind was raging with thoughts of cancer and what would happen if it happened to me. And even though I believe God would never give me anything He knows I can't handle, I couldn't help but worry that this is it for me. Finally, I uttered the words "I found a lump." And he was silent for awhile, not knowing how to respond. And I cried and he told me everything will be okay. Fast forward through some very emotional days to follow. Since I'm poor and have no health insurance, I made an appointment with Family Planning. The nurse, who by the way made me feel so comfortable during both exams, is 99% sure they are cysts.
I had an ultrasound appointment today. I won't find out the results until tomorrow. I'm a little more relieved after hearing what the RN said at the appointment last week but waiting for results is not easy! I'm still praying that everything will come back good. Through all of this, I can't help but think of my friend who has been through all of this only to get results that changed her forever. Casondra, if you're reading this, I love you for the AMAZING strength you have managed to find through everything you have had to deal with. I know there have been times of weakness, but you always pushed through it. You kept your faith when many would not have. I admire you so, so much!
Anyhoodles, if you can find a minute for a quick prayer, I'd appreciate it greatly!
Good news! My husband was offered a job back home. In Indiana! As long as he passes the physical assessment he is in. Fingers crossed! Not that I think he will fail it, but I won't believe this news until it is absolutely, 100% official and we are heading down the highway, all packed up!!