Rambling thoughts

I was having a conversation with a great friend today and mentioned how much I've let my photography go. And she urged me to get back into it. I'm going to try. It's ironic that in trying to do more to find myself, I've managed to let other parts of me go. I no longer head out to find new places to just be, one of the things I used to love doing. I enjoy back roading, driving til I have no clue where I am. Still love doing, just don't make time for it so much anymore. I wish I had the energy of all those mom's that most definitely have to be sporting a cape of some fashion.
Things certainly have been busy around this place though. The  husband has been working crazy long hours, me taking classes, preparing the youngest for school to start, planning our vacation to Florida...just a few things that have kept us busy.
I'm doing well in school. And I've made it my goal to get A's. So far, I've managed it. We will see how far I can carry it. I've definitely set higher standards for myself than I do for my kids though. I guess I feel like I have something to prove. More to myself than to anyone else though. That being said, I'm going to have to cut this post short. Dinner and then finishing this week of school by midnight. More to come soon!

Change is coming

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

My husband recently asked me why I have suddenly made the decision to make so many changes in my life. And to be completely honest, it pissed me off. Maybe I overreacted. In all actuality, it's probable that I overreacted. To me, it isn't important why I chose to start making changes. Only that I AM making changes. I want to go to school. You can read about that here. I want to work. I want to be a role model for my children who have seen nothing from me other than my being a stay at home mom. I want to make an impact, a difference. I need to feel like I'm contributing. And let's all face it. We aren't getting any younger. How would I be able to move forward if, God forbid, something happened to my husband? Or what would I do if something happened between my husband and I and for whatever reason, we parted ways? I'm a realist. I know that in any situation, anything can happen. You never know what tomorrow will bring. It would be extremely difficult for me to move on with no education after high school, with no work experience after 2006. Sure I worked a temp job here and there. And that is what pushed me to go to school. And look at my options for jobs.

But that isn't the only change I've made. I haven't always had the best relationship with my siblings. My cousins. My family. I want to change that. I will change that! I will continue to do everything I can to be there for my family. Whether we have had a good relationship or not. Whether that means that my effort is appreciated or not. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I get my heart hurt. A lot. I cry. A lot. That's just a part of who I am.
Aside from being there more for family and friends, I am going to be there for me more also. It's been so long since I've done things to benefit myself. Since I've done things that make me happy. No, that does not mean, I'm going to do things that will intervene with the safety and/or happiness of my family. I'm going to live in the moment with each step into my future. If it is something that will make me happy but someone else may not like it or may disagree with me, so be it. People are going to talk. Let them! Life is simply just too darn short to spare my (or my family's) happiness at the expense of someone else's opinion.

I intend to live a life that I can be proud of. After all, it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I'm going to make the best of it. And I'm going to feel things I've never felt before.

Grow Up!

 I've been doing a whole lot of thinking lately. A whole lot.  My dad instilled in me at a pretty young age that I have the ability to do anything in the world, the only thing I needed to do was put my mind to it. If I had the will, there was a way. Well, 31 years old, 32 quickly approaching and here I sit. Bored. Truth is, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. This is definitely going to be a challenge for me. Problem is...what do I wanna do with my life? Only thing I know is, I want to help. I am tossing around the idea of going back to school. In the medical field. Obstetric Ultrasound, I think. And so, I'm looking into that. I've also always wanted to help directly, hands on. Again, just a lot of thoughts floating around in my head, but I want to volunteer and work with disaster relief for the American Red Cross. I would love to be able to go around the country and even internationally and help those in need. I just haven't looked into it as I didn't want to be away from my family for long periods of time to do it. But I think it is time I start doing things for me. And doing things that make me happy. And I think this is the beginning route(s) for me.




To donate to --->American Red Cross,<--- click the link