Friday, December 9, 2011

Save the drama for your mama! {just not my mama}

FAMILY: a group of people who are related to each other {This sense of family can refer to a group that consists of parents and their children or it can refer to a bigger group of related people including grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It is often used specifically of a group of related people who live together in one house.}
DRAMA: a situation or series of events that is exciting and that affects people's emotions
CHAOS:complete confusion and disorder : a state in which behavior and events are not controlled by anything

These three words describe a number of events that have been happening in my day to day life. I chose to use Merriam-Webster's Learner's Dictionary because it tends to break the definition down even further than the regular online dictionary; just so it isn't miscomprehended.
 Here's a few more words...

DISRESPECT: speech or behavior which shows that you do not think someone or something is valuable, important, etc. : lack of respect
SPITE: a desire to harm, anger, or defeat another person especially because you feel that you have been treated wrongly in some way
NEGATIVITY:  an attitude in which someone considers only the bad qualities of someone or something
PAIN: 1 : the physical feeling caused by disease, injury, or something that hurts the body 2 : mental or emotional suffering : sadness caused by some emotional or mental problem 3 : someone or something that causes trouble or makes you feel annoyed or angry

I am not touching the details in this post on the events that happened. Not a chance.

Somehow, I seem to get sucked into drama. Sometimes, it's like a shiny object whispering my name; beckoning me to become a part of it. Sometimes, I am called in by members of the "drama club". And sometimes, well, it's unavoidable, inevitable.
Three years ago, I had decided I had had enough. I moved a state over, with an eight hour drive separating me from the stuff. Sure I missed my friends and family members. But I was happy. Six months ago, I had decided that I had missed my family members enough to move back. And the infection of drama has been eating at me ever since. And several times I've even asked myself why in the world I would dare put myself RIGHT BACK into the same crap that made my decision to leave to begin with. Again tonight I was asking myself that same question. You can tell me that I ran away from it. And I would agree. Because negativity is NOT something that I want in my life. Nor in my children's. But most of all, if I had to answer that question with an honest heart, the answer would have to be that it was simply easier to live away than to tell the truth and hurt my family with my opinions and statements. I've not always been one to "tell it like it is" so to speak. But by the time I had my first child, I was pretty much determined that nothing would stop me from speaking my mind. Easier said than done. Much easier said than done. A few years of being disrespected and a couple of dirtbag boyfriends later, it was decided. NEVER again would I hold back what I truly felt for fear of hurting someones feelings or being afraid of what they would think of me. I met my husband and had a second child. And while everyone seems to think my husband "changed" me...he did not. He merely supported me. As any husband should. But when the conflict and drama arose with family, I couldn't do it. I couldn't say what I wanted to say. Couldn't be the person that could possibly hurt someones feelings by the words that left my tongue. And it was easier to be away.
Recently, I held my tongue on a few situations (not directly family related) and was advised not to hold back. And to stand up for what I believe is right. And to be myself.
So now my question is...does this go for family also? Do I bite my tongue? Bottle it up? Or take the chance that by standing up for what I believe in I could taint what is already a pretty rocky relationship?


  1. I think this is the best blog you have wrote in a long time. And yes if something needs said, think about the best way to say it so it is not in anger or the heat of the moment but in a way that is corrective and caring. Otherwise whatever the problem or the drama is going to grow and make you unhappy. And I want you happy friend! Please people, please people, save the drama for your lama!
    -Amanda Fink

  2. We've had to set some serious boundaries with A's family especially over the last month or two. It involved us having thanksgiving on our own, actually.

    We try to handle it all with grace and love...and sometimes that means holding off on saying something until it can be well-formulated.

    Something that has worked for us has been to write out a response (even in the heat of the moment), read it a few hours later, make adjustments, and then actually read that to the person.

    We are determined to teach our future children how to best handle conflict and drama...and none of that involves bottling things up and letting people walk all over you. But it also doesn't involve yelling and screaming and being rage-y.

    There's balance in everything, and we're trying to find that too...but boundaries are a WONDERFUL thing.




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