Change is coming

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

My husband recently asked me why I have suddenly made the decision to make so many changes in my life. And to be completely honest, it pissed me off. Maybe I overreacted. In all actuality, it's probable that I overreacted. To me, it isn't important why I chose to start making changes. Only that I AM making changes. I want to go to school. You can read about that here. I want to work. I want to be a role model for my children who have seen nothing from me other than my being a stay at home mom. I want to make an impact, a difference. I need to feel like I'm contributing. And let's all face it. We aren't getting any younger. How would I be able to move forward if, God forbid, something happened to my husband? Or what would I do if something happened between my husband and I and for whatever reason, we parted ways? I'm a realist. I know that in any situation, anything can happen. You never know what tomorrow will bring. It would be extremely difficult for me to move on with no education after high school, with no work experience after 2006. Sure I worked a temp job here and there. And that is what pushed me to go to school. And look at my options for jobs.

But that isn't the only change I've made. I haven't always had the best relationship with my siblings. My cousins. My family. I want to change that. I will change that! I will continue to do everything I can to be there for my family. Whether we have had a good relationship or not. Whether that means that my effort is appreciated or not. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I get my heart hurt. A lot. I cry. A lot. That's just a part of who I am.
Aside from being there more for family and friends, I am going to be there for me more also. It's been so long since I've done things to benefit myself. Since I've done things that make me happy. No, that does not mean, I'm going to do things that will intervene with the safety and/or happiness of my family. I'm going to live in the moment with each step into my future. If it is something that will make me happy but someone else may not like it or may disagree with me, so be it. People are going to talk. Let them! Life is simply just too darn short to spare my (or my family's) happiness at the expense of someone else's opinion.

I intend to live a life that I can be proud of. After all, it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I'm going to make the best of it. And I'm going to feel things I've never felt before.